pathways, OCTOBER 2007
The abortion issue needs to be redefined from a women's issue to a relational issue according to the woman who developed the Rachel's Vineyard retreat for healing after an abortion.
Dr Theresa Burke (
pictured right) who has been in Australia on a flying visit for the
Project Rachel National Conference in Sydney said that it was a relational issue as abortion caused a profound wounding at the very heart of a couple's intimacy and sexuality.
It is in this context that men are welcomed into the Rachel's Vineyard psychological and spiritual journey for healing after an abortion. They attend on their own, with their partner and sometimes with a partner who has had an abortion from a previous relationship.
"I like to think of it as a therapy for the soul because it integrates the psychological impact and wounds and grieving process with the spiritual aspects of that traumatic loss," Dr Burke said.
"A lot of women and men believe at an intellectual level that God forgives them, or has the capacity to forgive them, but they can't forgive themselves. And consequently people will go to confession hundreds of times ...
"What is really required of healing is to grieve the loss so there is room for the grace of the sacrament. That requires some work; some reflection on the memories and how you really felt about it.
"Most feelings about abortion are just stuffed away and people don't deal with them and that gives rise to every kind of problem you can imagine."
The two-day retreat model began as a 15-week support group more than 20 years ago.
"It is so painful for people to go back and remember," Dr Burke said. "And if you have a two hour meeting or a one hour counselling session you just start to open it up; you just start to feel it intensely - and time is up and you have to go back and function. And as a result most people didn't complete therapy that they started because it would become too painful.
"The benefit of the retreat is that it allows the person to enter into the grieving and remembering process without any interruptions."
She describes the theological framework for Rachel's Vineyard as "traveling the Paschal Mystery of your own life": travelling the passion, the death and experiencing the loss and the grief and the death of your child, the death of yourself that many people experience in a very profound way and journeying with Christ through to resurrection.
"Christ comes to forgive us, to heal us, to redeem us - that's the good news. And Rachel's Vineyard is to help people experience that good news in ways that are completely personal and unique to their situation, their history, their losses and their trauma."
Dr Burke said that people generally wanted to hide their pain - not only from their friends and family but also from God.
"We can have histories that seem somewhat unredeemable. People try to compensate by creating a public persona (through which they) try to prove to God that they are worthy, instead of allowing God to heal and redeem their wounds. As a result of that there isn't an integrated sense of self.
"I believe programmes like Rachel's Vineyard really help to bring the two together because we are not all perfect, we're human beings . God knows that we sin ... We're all part of a suffering, sinful humanity.
"I think when you go through healing you can diminish the need to be perfect and elevate the part that feels so unholy, bring them together and experience your humanity in a richer, fuller, more whole way that doesn't require hiding and putting on an act."
As the demand for Rachel's Vineyard retreats continues to grow - it is now in 17 countries around the world - Dr Burke has turned her energies towards sexual abuse. In November, she will conduct the last retreat in a three-year pilot programme in relation to sexual abuse.
Grief to Grace will integrate spirituality and psychology for victims of abuse, including clergy abuse.
"I think there's benefit in bringing together those who have been victimised by clergy and those in the general population who have been abused by fathers, and uncles and neighbours because I think it expands the perception of who and what a victim is. And I think a real value in that."
But even as the final nuances are being added to Grief to Grace before it goes public, Dr Burke has another dream.
The next programme will be for veterans of war.
The connection she sees between abortion and abuse and surviving war is the reconciliation required to restore the parts of a person's humanity that is lost through any death.
"God, I believe, would want to restore anyone to fullness.
"These programmes, offering beautiful, trauma-sensitive processes that understand the need to grieve and recognise the pain, are supported by teams of ministers who identify with the journey."
Dr Burke was in Australia for the first time at the end of September as the keynote speaker at the national conference at Chevalier Centre, Kensington (Sydney), on September 29-30. She also delivered public lectures in Melbourne, Hobart and Sydney.
Theresa Burke is the author of
Forbidden Grief - The Unspoken Pain of Abortion and her husband, Kevin, a clinical social worker, has co-authored
Redeeming a Father's Heart.
Rachel's Vineyard retreats which welcome women, men, couples, grandparents and abortion providers, will be held in Sydney, Launceston, Melbourne, Adelaide and Canberra before the end of the year. These and 2008 dates for Sydney and Brisbane are available on the Project Rachel website.
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